I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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