You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
