He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just want to make out with him forever
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
