There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
