So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
