had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're a waste of cheezeits
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
