I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
