I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
