I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
