can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
...so i touched it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
