I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
