and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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