Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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