Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
