Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
