i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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