i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
