I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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