You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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