we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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