No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
