in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
