threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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