New low: just hacked my moms facebook
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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