you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
