i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
