I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
