wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
