Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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