your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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