Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
