are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
