Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
