I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
