About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
