My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I will be naked everywhere
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
