cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
