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I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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