dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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