Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
