I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
