Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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