You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize