Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
