I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why are your pants in the freezer?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
