at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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