i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
