how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
