I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
