I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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