So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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