dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
