If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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