Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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