Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
