I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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