the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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