Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
