he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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